Thursday, May 1, 2014

A good deed gone bad . . .

Hey Everybody !

I heard a little girl screaming at the top of her lungs by the creek outside of my hotel and I jumped into action without a second thought. As I was cruising down flights of stairs I was noticing that I didn't even hesitate to save this girl, "I'm the definition of a hero" I thought...

I had just come off of a long road trip and I had three days to chill out. My wife had a business trip, perfect opportunity to go with her.    

My wife was off to an early morning meeting, this is the perfect time for me to write some "hilarious" jokes. I sat down in front of the computer and that's when I heard her,  a blood curdling scream from what seemed to be a 3 year old girl. "She's lost! Running by a creek? I must save her!"

There was no easy way to get to the creek in back of the hotel. I had to run around not only my hotel, but a gas station, fast food restaurant and what seemed like fifty dumpsters.   While I was running at my 2 mile treadmill pace, I noticed that running on real land is a lot more difficult than keeping up on a conveyor belt. "I need something to hang onto while pretending to check my heart rate."   I still had a long way to go and I thought I was going to expire. I had to slow my pace to a near crawl or I'd die without even getting close to rescuing the helpless little angel by the creek.

I was going so slow that I was actually embarrassed that this is the urgent pace I had set to save someone's life. If you didn't see the intensity on my face you would think that I was pacing myself for a hundred mile race...barely moving forward.

I finally made it to the trail that lead to the creek behind the hotel and I was thinking to my self, "I'm sure this girl's going to be half raised by wolves by the time I show up."   

I finally have her in my sights and I'm calling out to her and saying, "It's okay honey I'm here to save you, come here and I'll take care of you!" Not a good choice of words. As I said this, two adults (her parents) jumped out from the side of the lake and began yelling at me in Japanese. 

I realized in a second that it was one of those cases where the little girl was being stubborn and her parents kept walking as to leave her, but they had her in there sights the whole time, they were just making her move. 

Once I realized this, I also realized that I looked like a child predator to this Japanese family.

And that explained why they were now chasing me with branches that they had found on the ground. Not to mention the little girl freaking out even more than she had been chasing her parents. She said something in Japanese that sounded like, Una Chow che chee dough." over and over, which I'm sure means, "Stranger Danger"

I was trying to explain myself, but they couldn't understand me and their branches looked like they could do some damage, so I had no choice but to just run away, making it me look even more creepy.

I've decided to never go back to that city for fear that I'll see an artist's rendition of my face on every telephone pole with "Predator" underneath it. 

Some Hero !

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